Just How Did I Get Suckered Into a 13-Hour Train Ride From West Virginia to Manhattan?
Those attending the pre-SMX East networking event will invariably notice one or more of the following characteristics of a certain SEO:
1. He will be wearing black-framed, ultra-hip and stylish designer glasses.
2. He will talk non-stop, waxing poetic on any number of subjects on which he is an expert, such as the existential themes of Ricky Martin's music; why Cher is the quintessential pop cultural icon of the 20th century; and the ramifications of the power bomb replacing the body slam as the most common weapon in a professional "wrestler's" repertoire.
3. He will be sipping a refreshingly clean and crisp Zima, with a watermelon (or, occasionally, blue raspberry) Jolly Rancher dropped into the bottle for added flavor and color.
The SEO in question is one Martin Bowling. He's the Chief Technical Officer and resident evil genius here at Vec3. I tell you to look out for him and not for me because, naturally, I won't be there at the pre-SMX mixer myself. Neither will my colleague Matt Crist, the other Vec3 guy making the New York trip. It's not that we don't want to be there, mind you. It's just that Matt and I will be traveling to New York on the day of the mixer (October 5) via Amtrak's Cardinal 50 rail line. We will not get there in time for the mixer. You see, under ideal conditions, it's a 13-hour ride through the Allegheny Mountains into Virginia before the line turns north, running through Charlottesville before arriving in Washington, D.C. From there, the train passes through Philadelphia, Wilmington, Delaware and on into New Jersey before ending up, many hours later, in New York's Penn Station.
Now, if you've ever traveled Amtrak, you know the conditions are never ideal. That means, of course, that Matt and I will be on the train much, much longer. Marty? He'll be at the mixer, regaling you all with tales of his days as a trapeze artist on the underground circus circuit, or of his time in a Turkish prison. (I won't tell you his crime; it was a bogus charge anyway, the worst case of anti-American xenophobia I ever saw).
Marty will be there because he's traveling by airplane specifically so he can arrive in time for social (read: drinking Zima) hour. Matt and me? Again, we'll be on an uncomfortable train which will invariably arrive in New York City at 2 a.m. on Monday. We'll have to hail a cab in the middle of the night in a strange city that backwoods West Virginians are undoubtedly ill-prepared to navigate. All West Virginians are hillbillies, you understand, incapable of common sense or rational thought. It will be extremely unsanitary, for example, to walk around Penn Station barefoot. Maybe I should just break down and buy a pair of $10 shoes from Wal-Mart or something. We'll see.
But I digress. This is about our wonderful CTO and his social needs, not any discomfort Matt and I may (or may not) endure on our railroad odyssey from Appalachia to the Big Apple. Have a good time, Marty. We'll see you when we get there.
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Since sarcasm doesn't easily translate on the Web, a disclaimer is in order. I hate flying. Hate it. Not only did I choose my method of transportation for SMX East, I'm looking forward to the ride. Having traveled around the country many, many times in my previous life as an old-school media guy (read: newspaper reporter), I've hopped the Cardinal 50 line a number of times and have always enjoyed the trip.
Rail travel leaves a much smaller carbon footprint than driving or flying. It's also quite easy and relaxing. Sure, it takes forever and a day to get anywhere, but it's worth it to keep from dealing with airports, travel delays, turbulence at 28,000 feet and the otherwise kind, comfortable and accommodating nature of our nation's air travel system. Matt is coming along on the train because he's never ridden Amtrak before and is curious to see if I am crazy in endlessly extolling its virtues to anyone and everyone who is planning a business trip.
In addition, Matt and I will be live-blogging and Tweeting the trip through the Vec3 blog and our Twitter page--as we'll also be doing for the three days of SMX East--so keep an eye out for our updates.
Marty? Yeah, sure, keep an eye out for him, too. Trust me...you can't miss him.